A Letter to Everleigh

To my dear Everleigh Sage,

Sometimes I feel as if I’m starting to lose thoughts of you, and that makes me so sad and even more afraid of everything.

Little precious moments of things you did and enjoyed that I don’t want to lose forever. Like the first time you fell asleep in my arms while I was rocking you in the hospital. Or like that time you were beginning to discover your little hands and fingers. You kept them folded up by your face and mouth, interlocking and unlocking your fingers together over and over again for hours on end. Meanwhile, you had accidentally gotten drool all over your hands and all over your face when you would go to rub your eyes. So, I stood guard with a washcloth by your crib until you fell asleep. But, I didn’t care though, because I would have stood there all day helping wipe and clean your sweet little face if it made you happy. And, most importantly, like the first time I saw you smile when you were playing on your mat, kicking away at your piano and watching it light up. Those are treasures I want to keep in my memories forever. 

I miss everything about you so dearly. Your scent. Your cute little smile and cleft lip. Your little button nose. Your messy strawberry-blonde hair. Your baby blue eyes, just like mine are, too, but they were staring back up at me. Your little chubby cheeks and arms- oh, they were so cute! The touch of your hands gripping onto my finger as you fell asleep. The way you loved watching your mobile go round and round as you laid in your crib. Oh, and the way you always had to sleep with your hands up by your face and with your feet left uncovered by any blankets because you absolutely did not like being swaddled. Your “sassiness” as the nurses would call it. 

The absolute hardest decision of my life was when I told the doctors that I wanted to go with a DNR, and then having to make that fateful call so soon afterward to let you go as you suddenly started to code again. But, the absolute hardest moment of my life was watching you take your last breaths  and pass away in my arms. You went so quickly, and yet so peacefully it seemed. I truly hope you did my baby girl. That it was just like going to sleep and that you didn’t have to feel anymore pain in those last few moments of your short life.  

I’ll never forget the moment when you took your last breath. It seemed like time stood still for me as the shock began to set in. I remembered screaming at God over and over again. But, I hope you know that I was right there the whole time, baby girl; holding you and stroking your sweet little cheek, whispering to you how much I loved you and that it was all going to be okay. That you had been so wonderful, brave and so strong for me. And that you could go on home to Heaven and that I would meet you there soon someday.

More than anything in this world or life, I so deeply just want to see you again and hold you, even if it’s for only a moment. Also, to tell you how proud I am of you for being so strong for as long as you were and that I love you so very much, forever and always. 

In the future, and even now, when people ask me if I have children, how should I respond? I did have a child, a beautiful baby girl, if even for only briefly. You made me a Mom after all, Everleigh. And for that, I am eternally grateful. You were and will always be my Light and purpose. 

I hope you are at peace, my love. You will remain everywhere in my mind, heart and soul until I see you again.

Missing you and loving you so much.

Love,

Mommy

To The One Who Got Away…

Hi Stranger,

As that is what you are to me and probably I to you, as if our meeting was just in passing one random day on the streets amongst the crowds, and yet my mind has kept a glimpse of you, long held into my memories because you stood out from the rest. 

The thought of you finds its way from time to time in my dreams, and my subconscious, never letting me to forget the sight of you and the sounds of your voice, ever so familiar and comforting to me, echoing throughout the days and years. And your scent, which still lingers in the air spontaneously on occasions out of the blue, bringing me back to the special, yet so very few days I once upon a time spent with you, lying next to you in your strong and warm arms in my bed on one early Saturday morning with your whispers of my name still freshly in my ears. Yes, you can believe without a doubt that you are so very much missed and so often, and rather fondly, thought of by this young women you once met in what might be to you ages ago, but to me, what feels like yesterday sometimes. Maybe it was nothing to you, but to me, it felt like the world.  

Somewhere, Around Midnight

I have no idea where or how to begin writing or telling this. It all began quite innocently enough, unplanned and unexpected. I presume that's just life though. Nevertheless, here I am: clouded thoughts, clouded brain, all to which has been lost somewhere inside this foggy haze that are now my memories, taking with it any inspiration and all passion I once ever had for writing.

Instead, now, many nights I go without sleeping, but rather spend the darker hours laying awake as my mind races with constant thoughts of worry and the sense of an ever impending doom soon to release its wrath upon me. Yet, then, many days are wasted away into deep slumber of 12 or more hours, as my mind wanders off into other worlds where memories replay like old movies and ghosts of past people I once loved and so dearly cherished in my life, flash by before my eyes like sparks of hope, as if they were like shooting stars or the Aurora lights themselves.

My life, so it seems, has no meaning or purpose. No goals do I aim for anymore as my days pass by, in and out of consciousness, no longer with the rest of the world.

The Chronicles of a Forthcoming Revelation

Hello there everyone. Why yes, it is I, writing to you all again my dear friends, comrades and colleagues. 

Unfortunately, I must first start off this much over-due post of mine with an apology for my long absence, about a year’s worth to be exact. While I would love nothing more than to blame it entirely on writer’s block or lack of inspiration, although parts of it, I must admit my faults and take responsibility in allowing myself to lose my sense of passion of what I was striving for since the beginnings of the intentions in starting my own blog eons ago. Somewhere along the way, I guess I started to chase after perfection without knowing it. I began over-analyzing every idea or topic I wanted to write about, right down to the smallest, and quite rather frankly, unnecessary of details. I had comprised several, if not many, pages of rough drafts and thoughts, yet never to actually finish them or finally put them up on a new post, because they were, in my eyes and mind, not “perfect” enough or as good as I felt like they should or were suppose to be in comparison with everything else that’s already written or has been seen by the rest of the world. Meanwhile, dear Father Time ticked on, with weeks, which turned into months, passed me by. 

Upon my realization of this, I knowingly took a sort of hiatus in hopes to re-discover my true inspirations and passions, re-defining the paths I would take in my future writings and all share with you and hopefully, the rest of the world, soon again one day. Thus, my beginnings of taking a journey to self-discovery, or “soul searching” as one might call it, were launched forth.  

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the term self-discovery is defined as the “act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of your abilities, character, and feelings.” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-discovery) In other words, basically one’s efforts and actions into achieving self-knowledge.

Now, the journey to “finding oneself” can consist of many different things or be done in many different ways, all done so in an attempt by a person to figure out how they personally feel about their priorities in life or determine spiritual issues, all done so without following the opinions of others such as family, friends or other pressures from peers. For some, it could literally mean traveling the world or taking some sort of a pilgrimage. For others, it may mean doing a series of events or completing a sequence of goals in order to achieve their own state of enlightenment. In that sense, taking a step back from life and looking at the overall, bigger picture one’s trying to create for themselves and for others. In a way, getting back to the basics, allowing one’s self to figure out what really matters to them and what’s really important at the end of each day, and in addition, to life as a whole.  

With all that being said, while in the midst of what one might call having just an early mid-life crisis, now also known as a quarterly-life crisis that many twenty-somethings are experiencing in this day in age, I finally decided for myself, and for my emotional and mental well-being, that I too should, and would embark on my own journey to self-discovery, in the hopes that I will find the answers I’ve so long been searching for and understand the things I’ve so long been desiring to know, and with the intentions of only bettering myself for me, as wells as for others and the world alike. 

Thus, as I write to you my dear readers and to the rest of the world, I’m inviting all of you to join me and follow along as I begin this journey of mine in doing some serious soul-searching and for what will hopefully, lead up to my own self-discovery and sense of enlightenment. 

Now, in having already begun the preparations for this journey of mine, I compiled some lists of things I feel that I should, and must accomplish in order to finally have the self-realization that I so desperately want and need. These include me taking each week to focus on one area in people or things that I need to let go of or move on from permanently in life, continuing then with people and things I am grateful for or greatly appreciate to have in my life. All done so in the attempt that hopefully, I shall learn to better let go of the past and things I can’t control and that I will teach myself to stop worrying about the future so darn much, being more mindful, and living in the now and present moment of my life. While writing to all of you each week, I’ll give some insight on the process for what particularly I’m trying to work on and furthermore, touching base on my progress in what I think of feel I’ve accomplish emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I shall do my best to include all that I can, but please know and understand, that some things are meant to be personal and remain that way.

Well, for now dear people, time to let the journey and adventure into the unknown begin! Until next time, take care and send me your thoughts and views on all of this and comment below. I’ll write back soon!   

In the Flame,

Yours Truly

P.S. Here’s a little inspiration for everyone and behind this post: 

“Provehito in Altum” (Launch Forth into the Deep) - 30 Seconds to Mars

"Show Your Stripes"

Happy belated 4^th of July everyone! I know this post may seem a little late on the subject, but I wanted to share with all of you why stripes, an ever-seemly popular trend this time every year, transcend beyond just patriotic symbolism.

Stripes themselves vary greatly and throughout the eras, revolutionized many themes we associate them with still today. From the classic nautical navy-and-white stripes many of us so commonly turn to every summer, all the way to the retro mod look with black-and-white vertical stripes, they’ve stood the test of time.

Take a closer look at stripes’ historical background, learning why they’ve endured through the centuries, people having expressed their loyalty to the trend, and will continue to do so through wardrobes everywhere.

·       The Nautical Stripe: As part of the French Navy’s standards issued through the 1858 Act of France, the navy-and-white horizontal striped shirt made its first appearance on sailors. (Apparently it made it easier to spot any who had fallen overboard, yikes!) Since then, the professed nautical stripe has maintained its place in representing all things by the sea. It’s synonymous with yacht decks, suggesting high-status glamour (think summer spent in the Hamptons watching sailboat races).

Over the years, the nautical stripe has come to represent the sporty, All-American look with a touch of class. A simple design, it proves efficiency, creating a wonderful contrast to wearing more elegant pieces or bolder colors. The classic look remains a timeless, fashion staple yet manages to stay modern, largely thanks to designers who have brought their own touches and tweaks as seen on the runways with the likes of Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger, who did skinny red-and-white stripes this past spring.     

Today, the nautical stripe works year-round, at sea or land. Find your perfect piece with looks ranging from wide to narrow navy, black or red-and-white stripes, found in crewneck shirts to cozy boatneck sweaters. Keeping in mind, narrow stripes are easier to wear than wider ones. In addition, if going the red-and-white route, avoid looking like a candy cane and choose sharp, contrasting stripes, wearing khaki shorts to balance out the look. For me, I love bringing out my navy-and-green striped mid-sleeved shirt every summer. Paired with shorts or pants in summer whites or under a navy blazer for the ultimate prep, the nautical stripe is one that’s anchors away from going out of style.     

Source: http://global.ralphlauren.com/en-us/style/women/rlclassics/pages/nautical_stripe.aspx          

 

·       ‘60s Mod Stripe: Originating from London, England, a subculture sparked as what we all know today as the Mod Movement. Peaking in the early to mid-1960s, it was ultimately the first signs of the modernist (as they liked to refer to themselves) from young adults. Emerging from within was a new take on fashion.

It began with tailored-made suits worn by men (think the Beatles), spilling over in to women embracing short miniskirts, men’s trousers or shirts and flat shoes. The look then went from a cool underground style to commercialized fashion. With the likes of famous models such as Twiggy, exemplifying the high-fashion mod look, made it trendy everywhere.      

This season, the retro look has gotten into full swing again with the notorious ‘60s-inspired black-and-white vertical stripes. Being a simple color palette, it offers the perfect base for bolder details like oversized buttons or bows as well as statement accessories and bright hues. Complete with red lips, black liquid eyeliner underneath white cat-eye sunglasses and a pair of optic-white pointed-toe pumps, “retrograde” into history with a take from the fashion-era that first embraced modernism.   

Whether or not you choose to sail away or go retro, stripes line up almost everywhere to make a fashion statement this season.

*Check back here on Friday and I’ll show all of you a few of my own personal finds and takes on this ever-beloved stripy trend!* 

 

“Coming Up Short”

It’s finally here! June 21 kicked off the start of summer. Officially known as Summer Solstice, also is the longest day of the year.

Depending on your location, the weather may just beginning to heat up or has been for a while now. Here in South Alabama, the temperature already creeps past 90 degrees on any given day. Throw in the humidity and the stickiness it brings and you’ve got yourself an overview of how my summer feels so far.

These summer days desperately beacon a rescue call in finding any way to stay cool, both physically and fashionably. Hence, helping you through the warmer months that still lay ahead, I bring forth to you a shorts style guide for summer.

First, you need the essentials. Proving wearable this season, next year’s and so on, invest in a good pair of these three very different, yet classics, types of shorts:

·         Ladylike, tailored shorts

 

·         White shorts, of course!

 

·         The ever reliable, denim cut-offs

 

In making shorts the focal point of any summer look, you really have two basic choices. Either aim for colors or for patterns and prints. Both work great for making any statements. Don’t be afraid to try something new and step outside of your comfort zone. Follow these guidelines and you’ll do so, easy as a summer breeze.

Starting with your ladylike, tailored shorts, add a pop of color to your wardrobe this season. The clean lines from these offer a muted platform for bold, bright colors without over doing it. Go for unexpected colors such as bright pink (like mine pictured below) or reef-inspired coral, bold red and ocean blue. If you prefer the cooler tones, stay with a palette of pastels like pale pink, soft mint or pistachio green. Pair with a nice neutral-colored top for balance and to avoid drawing eyes away from your main focus. Throw on a pair of your favorite wedges and you’ve got yourself a casual, yet still pretty, and pulled-together look that’s perfect for basically any summer occasion.

Old Navy sleeveless white blouse, Old Navy shorts and Francesca's Collections necklace

 

Next up for play, easily get inspired from watching the Wimbledon tennis matches currently taking place in London while sporting your summer whites this season. Keep the ball in your court and take note from English “properness”, sticking with neat, clean lines. On top, stay casual with a denim shirt, or for going out, try mixing it up with a bold color or keeping it simple, wearing a basic black top. But, if you’re really daring, go for all white, head to toe. Just beware of BBQ sauce at any cookouts though.  

On the other hand, taking the leading role this season, white lace shorts are another trend that will let you showcase a more delicate side to your summer wardrobe. A chambray top is a perfect match if you still want a casual appeal, playing down the feminine look of the lace while keeping you cool during the warmer days. (Take a look at my idea below.)

Old Navy chambray button-up, Charlotte Russe shorts, Forever 21 sunglasses and flats from DSW

 

Transitioning into wardrobes everywhere and offering a bit of spunkiness, playful patterned or printed shorts embody the care-free days of summer. Choose a pair with thin, vertical lines if you want to give your legs that longer, leaner appeal. Or pick a pair that will show off your fun side, like these elephant print shorts from the Milly Collection for Banana Republic.  http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=94862&vid=1&pid=41247600 Or revisit the past with a pair of ‘30s-inspired small-scale checker print shorts in classic navy, red or black and white (check out the pair I found below), topping off the look with a cozy knit sweater or cardigan.

Hollister Cardigan, Old Navy shorts and Target sunglasses  

 

Lastly, as for staying true to your denim blues, both cut-off and cuffed pairs found in either lighter and darker washes all go for this season. Give the retro-inspired high-waisted shorts trend a try this summer, which look great worn with a tucked-in sleeveless button-up, completed with a skinny belt, giving you that clenched-in waist appeal. Make sure though, in choosing denim shorts of any kind, that you get a pair that fits you well and comfortably.     

Incorporate any of these easy, wearable ideas above ad you’ll be “coming up short” on your lengths for bottoms this season, but not in your sense of style for choosing great looks that are versatile for the rest of summer, and surely the ones still to come. Now, that’s definitely nothing short of fashion greatness.        

 

 

 

“In Full Bloom"

Hello everyone. Long time no see, huh? I’m well aware that my blog as been very much non-existed for quite some time now. To catch you all up, my life for the almost past year consisted of summer internships, finishing my last semester at college – as an undergrad at least – continuing on to graduation in December, then packing up and moving to Mobile for my first full-time or “big girl” job as I like to call it.

Flashing forward, I’m all settled in and have successfully just completed my third month at the new job and all else is well in life.

Bringing me to my present point, I feel it’s high time to start writing again. While I may be out of practice, I’ve missed it dearly.

So, just what will be the inspiration for my future posts? It’s something I’ve always been passionate about. Fashion!

Over the years, fashion magazines have been a place of escape for me, an opportunity to run away from reality for a little bit, into a world of fresh thoughts and ideas, inspiring the creation of new hopes and dreams. I’ve still held onto to these hopes and dreams, having collected over 300 fashion magazines --and still counting!-- that are safely tucked away in my closet, neatly organized awaiting their new home one day on a glorious bookshelf I wish to have in the future in a place that I can call my own.     

To me, fashion is a form of art, and many others involved in the industry will agree with me. Fashion opens up a world of dress-up and make-believe for some. Similar to acting in some ways, fashion gives some people the opportunity to play a new character every day, or for many others, a new identity. Almost like a form of metamorphosis if you will. Simply put, fashion is a platform for self-expression and new beginnings. What better time to write about such things as now as we’ve been celebrating spring and the coming of longer days and warmer weather. As well, having closed the last chapter of my days as a college student and starting the next one with a new job, location and life that’s bound to be full of countless opportunities, I begin this journey of mine into fashion blogging.   

As so, I feel it is my duty to do what I love best, which is scouring several favorite go-to fashion magazines, taking notes on the trends and the inspiration behind them and showing you some of my own takes on them. And yes, I research and take notes like a college student would for class. In doing so, I’ll comprise the things I see and feel that are worth taking note for those that love the industry just as much as I do, but are short on time, a much simpler and quicker process in keeping up with the ever-changing fashion world and the trends that follow in its trail.     

My inspiration for this post is florals, which if everyone hasn’t already noticed, are in full bloom this season. Does anyone else have a flashback to the scene in “The Devil Wears Prada” where Miranda replies, ever so sarcastically, “Florals. For Spring? Groundbreaking.”, or is that just me? Nevertheless, florals have proven perfect for this season. With New York-based designer Prabal Gurung’s Target collection launch back in February, I got a head start on the trend. I do have to say, I’ve been quite content with the floral sleeveless top I purchased from the collection shortly after its arrival in stores. While many others like myself were still awaiting the first signs of spring, turning to fashion was a way to self-express our joys of the beauty that was soon to reappear in our lives.

For those that are a little behind on what to wear for this season, I recommend some petal plucking for a look that’s right for you. Here’s what you need to know before venturing into the fields of floral this spring and summer season:

·         Choose prints that are in your classic base colors such as navy or red. These will give you more versatile looks to wear throughout the season like solids would normally do for you.

 

·         Apply the same rule above when picking shoes. Go for a pair of pointed-toe pumps in a silk or satin floral print or better yet, find a pair of ankle-strap heels that let you put your best foot forward in showing off your favorite spring nail colors. FYI, fuchsia is the new pink this season!

 

·         Go for the seasonal favorite, an A-line or pencil floral skirt. Pair with a solid sweater or long-sleeve shirt in a bold color and flats for a balance between pretty, yet still casual.

 

·         Grab your favorite denim jacket or button-up shirt, leaving it open to wear over a charming floral dress or top, playing it down for another great casual approach.

 

·         For a more sophisticated look, style a navy blazer over an eye-catching floral printed dress, giving a refreshing take on office wear, but one that’s still refined and pulled-together for your business meetings.

·         Venturing out with friends for a night in the city? For a look that’s still feminine, but a bit more daring, dress-up floral shorts with a sleek black shell top, pairing the outfit with gladiator sandals or heels for that bolder appeal.      

·         As for accessory-wise, stick with neutral colors which will better showcase your floral statement piece without over doing the trend. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on one of the Jason Wu’s straw clutches from his Target collection last year before they were sold. It is a go-to favorite of mine to use when heading out and goes perfectly with my Prabal Gurung floral top, completing it with that laid-back tropical feel of the warmer months. 

In closing, while I know this month represents spring’s final days, June has always been widely associated as the time for wedding season. Thus, even though we’re soon to transition into summer’s official starting, don’t feel as if you must retire your favorite floral prints just yet. It’s how you wear them that will stand the test of time.

 

Signing off, I leave you with a picture I took this past spring of daffodils blooming in my parents’ yard. After becoming captivated by their sunny nature once upon a time in Wales on a school trip to Europe when I was 14 years old, they’ve remained since then, a favorite of mine to see each season. Even though, long past opening their blooms for this season anymore, daffodils are said to represent annunciation and optimism, characteristics so commonly found in new beginnings. As such, I felt their symbolism was quite fitting for this post. What do you think?